Since last we spoke, I've been trying to really adjust to the kidney diagnosis and resulting new medications and diet/lifestyle restrictions. Honestly, so far it's been feeling really great to bring some sense of control back into my life. I've begun seeing a naturopathic doctor who is really great and advising me about various food choices and herbal supplements which can help alleviate and treat many conditions, and especially auto-immune illnesses. Currently, I'm trying my best to completely avoid wheat, salt, and dairy products in addition to beef, pork, additives, pesticides, chemicals, etc. I'm also taking 2 tbs of borage oil per day, and a food-based auto-immune supplement. To work off all of the excess energy I have from the prednisone I've been working on all of these productive projects and exercising (still not as much as I like, but fuck it - at least my body is moving again).
It's the strangest feeling, even though I'm not out of the woods yet at all and I have no idea whether the therapy I'm on is working and the future still seems very unfocused - I feel better. I'm starting to awaken from the frozen ground of uncertainty. I don't think I got the job I applied for, but I know there are others out there. I have options. I am not stuck in place, I can make changes and I can take actions and I can live my present day to it's fullest. It's kind of a cool realization. Not that I'm always this philosophical.
The downside of this type of thinking is that all of the really annoying but necessary components of daily life seem unbelievably irritating and not worth the energy. For someone with a full-time job, bills, etc. this is not a very productive attitude - but it is amazingly refreshing. Basically, I'm still kind of in this wait-and-see cycle, but I don't feel like my life is on hold anymore. I'm moving forward. I'm not sure what forward looks like or how I will feel when I get there or what direction it could take, but I do know that I will continue moving forward. And so far, so good.